I m in .....

Once again after 3 years I am in love. I remember I promised myself that I'll never get emotionally involved ever and it was one promise I wanted to keep. Two completely different people can be together. She is completely different, extremely confident and at the same time very vulnerable. Very open at the same time very shy. We've known each other for a long time before we realized that there is more to it than normal friendship. Nov 13, 2005 I proposed my love for her. She was zapped and could not utter a word for 2-3 minutes. Then she told me it happens when two people start sharing a lot and that there is nothing from her side. That shook me and I became depressed and stopped talking to her, but only for a while. We have been to places outside Delhi twice and both times I enjoyed myself. She has seen and experienced a lot in the past which cannot be termed ordinary. She loves me a lot but is not sure yet to take it to the next level.
We fight every week w/o fail. Most of the time my high expectations, conservative thinking is the reason for the feud. She can cry at the very mention of the word, and everytime she does that I feel like a jerk causing her pain. I made her cry on her B'day, can you believe that ?? Lot of things happened in the last couple of days. She provided emotional support which worked like a healing balm. Again, last night she was with her male friend chatting. Nothing wrong with that, but I couldn't face it. My heart burned and when she mailed me the reason I gave it back to her. I am sorry but this is something I don't have control over. Something that happens week after week. Perhaps, it's about time I take control over my life without being an emotional fool. I seriously want this relationship to graduate to the next level. But, if I am not able to overcome my mental sickness I don't see it happening. That would be a disaster and my life would be shattered and I know she would feel the pain too.